It’s a strange thing being told to love yourself more .
I was smoking myself to death in search of the perfect relationship, thinking that this would make me feel complete. I didn’t realise that I was conning myself , all I knew was that I craved love and that I wouldn’t nor couldn’t rest until I’d found what I longed for .
Marrying my second husband with every intention of staying together TIL death do us part .... but he couldn’t stop the drink and I couldn’t bear the rock n roll lifestyle any longer. When I trained as an aerobics teacher I virtually starved myself to look slim , smoked extra cigarettes to curb my appetite, and exercised TIL I gave myself adrenal burnout. I was living the dream , running a live music venue with my second husband , booking the likes of Radiohead , getting stoned on cannabis and doing my best to be the perfect mum to my boys. After my divorce I fell apart emotionally- again , this time I’d lost my husband to alcohol . First time was to my children’s father dying from cancer. Life can be a bitch. I had a string of relationships, each time feeling needy and fragile. I really believed that a man would complete me. Around the age of 50 I walked away from a passive aggressive relationship. He told people we were to marry and that really upset me . He hadn’t mentioned it to me ! I decided to travel and to ‘find myself’ . I spent seven years as a single woman , dating now and again and never meeting ‘the one’ that I yearned for . I knew what the answer was , but it all seemed a bit weird . Yeah I can love myself .... but cmon. And then one time in Bali about 4 years ago I discovered how I could make love with God. If that sounds weird to you , please forgive me . I had the best orgasm I’d ever experienced. God became my love . I didn’t realise that the past 4 years I have been preparing for my twin flame reunion. I have given up my search for a boyfriend several years ago in favour of waiting for the ‘one’. But I didn’t believe I would find him in this lifetime . All that has changed. My longing is a sign that he is already searching for his other half , his twin. Me , I am learning more and more self love every minute of every day. I am using every experience as an opportunity to look in the mirror and see what is reflected back at me . My union is with God.
I am learning and understanding self love to a degree I’ve never known before. I am calling in my twin flame as I let go of all the barriers to love by loving myself to the core. I forgive myself for all of my past addictions, beliefs, neediness and self loathing. I welcome in every experience as an opportunity to know love . And to know that all fear is simply separation from God . And my outer experience reflects back to me as a sign that I’m on the right path I allow love into my experience and I look forward to my twin flame reunion which feels imminent And so it is . 💕